Tell Me a Story
by A.NERD.NAMED.ABBEY
Summary: James is recounting a tale from their days at Hogwarts to Lily, but James accidently lets something slip. Will a secret between them ruin their newly budding relationship? MWPP  and LJ. Includes crazy antics. Please R&R!


**Tell****me****a****Story**

**A Hot Dog Costume**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did I wouldn't be sitting here right now.

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"Tell me a story James," she looked up at him; fear glinting in her eyes. She was nestled in his arms and was scared of every little noise. Voldemort was getting stronger by the day, so she grasped onto the strongest person in her life.

And he loved every minute of it.

"Well, what kind of story do you want to hear?" he asked, and pushed a fiery piece of her hair back from her face.

"Anything to make me forget what's going on out there, to get my mind of things," she answered.

"Did you ever hear about the hot dog costume?"

"I . . . what?"

"Here's our story then," He took a deep breath, than began to tell his tale in a very theatrical voice:

"One stormy Halloween night many, many, well, last year, four teenage boys stood around not quite ready to go to bed, as the Halloween Feast had just ended, and they had consumed an unhealthy amount of food. Especially the fat one. He ate a hippogriff's worth of food.

"I kid you not, this boy, he could eat, I once saw him carrying a basket of fruit, candies, meats, even pumpkin juice to the hospital wing for Remus. Later on I talked to Remus and all that was left were chicken bones and four nonfat, no sugar pieces of candy. The fat little lard had eaten it all, the entire feast that was meant for his sick friend.

"Another time I caught him sneaking into the kitchens, twenty minutes after dinner. He told me, and I quote 'Oh, well, uh, I was going to do a report on uh house elves for Care of Magical Creatures. They are, uh, you know, quite interesting. Very interesting. It'll be a very exciting paper.'

"So I said, 'Peter is that why you are licking your lips, and sweating profusely?' And then he says, 'Uh, yes it-'

"What?!" James broke off suddenly; looking down at Lily nestled in his arms, for she had just pinched him in a very uncomfortable spot. "I'd rather like to keep my bum intact, thank you very much."

James rubbed his behind furiously, trying to get rid of the pain. Lily gave him a rather annoyed look and said, "Look, James, just get on with the story. You're getting a little off track here. Plus you're making me slightly sick."

James shook his head, "Alright then. Where was I? Oh, yeah the Halloween Feast.

"The four boys, who were named Ames, Irius, Emus, and uh, Eterpay, trooped off to their dormitory. Of course there were some wild ones in the bunch, none of them being Ames; of course, he was the strong silent type. Anyway the three other rowdy boys decided to have a little fun.

"It was called dress-up. And it was all Irius's idea. I kid you not; this boy was half seven year old girl and half seventeen year old boy. Dangerous combination, saying as the seventeen year old boy part was highly hormonal and the seven year old girl part was very, er, in touch with her emotions. Or would it be his emotions? He does have a male anatomy . . ."

For awhile the two of them sat pondering which pronoun to use when addressing Irius Ack. And again James found himself being pinched.

"Oy! What's that for?" He yelped.

Lily smirked and said, "You know what it's for. James you get very off track when telling a story."

"Right. Sorry about that," He apologized sheepishly. "Any who, Irius was a sad strange little . . . person. He or she decided that we, er, I mean the boys should play dress up. For that is what muggles do on Halloween. So the boys put on some muggle clothing, and trooped through the secret passage way into Hogsmeade. From there they decided to illegally apparate.

"They apparated to a muggle city, not too far away, and asked the surrounding muggles about a shop selling Halloween Costumes. And so the four boys went into the store. They were utterly astounded by the oodles and oodles of colorful clothing. The boy named Eterpay went into a dressing room and came out as an Asian prostitute. Irius went through many costume changes, including a French Maid, a Saudi Arabian prince, and a woman called Harriet Tubman.

"The third boy, Emus, was at first a world leader by the name of FDR. He tried to convince the other three that FDR indeed stood for 'Franklin Delano Roosevelt,' but no one believed him. Clearly it stood for 'Fat Dirty Rooster.' This upset Emus very greatly. So greatly in fact that he stood in a corner for the rest of the night pouting like a little school girl.

"I've just realized how very feminine my friends are. Er, I mean Ames's friends were.

"It soon became time for the boys to head back to Hogsmeade. They decided on a quick round or two of drinks at the Three Broomsticks. Ames of course, did not drink any of it. Irius, Eterpay, and Emus, however, got very into the Halloween spirit.

"They drank dozens and dozens of Bat Bombers. Special drinks created just for Halloween. Those Bat Bombers had such a delicious aftertaste it was impossible to drink just one.

"Or so I've heard from people who have drunken them.

"By the fourth Bat Bomber of the night, each, the boys became very silly in their actions. One of them even tried to feel up Madame Rosmerta, at which point she sent the boys back up to the castle from whence they had come.

"They snuck very quietly into the candy store, down into the cellar, under the trapdoor, through the tunnel, and back into the castle. At which point they quietly snuck up to Gryffindor tower.

"At least they tried to be quiet, but that comes much more easily to some than others. And the boy called Eterpay was about as subtle as a brick falling on your head.

"As they walked up the stairs they were in the hall with the portrait of the fat lady now, and yet, something bad had to happen. It came in the form of Eterpay, who as he walked almost silently, besides for the squishing noise in his shoes and his heavy breathing, and the odd rustling of his jeans, he ran into a suit of armor.

"One in which Peeves was hiding.

"The four boys sprinted to the portrait, said the password all at once, and it swung open to allow them inside, just as Peeves began a rather rude song about the caretaker, poor Mr. Argus Filch.

"They huddled in the common room, before realizing the boy called Irius Ack was not there!

"The boys ran towards the portrait hole, planning to suit and listen to see if Irius was still out there. They heard the raspy yells of Filch, screaming at the poor Fat Lady in the portrait.

"'Now you listen here, Filch, this is my common room to protect, and if you do not have the password then you do not get admitted inside. Now, please be quiet before you wake up every portrait in this school!' the Fat Lady Screamed at Mr. Filch.

"From out of nowhere the boy named Irius appeared doing a dance in celebration of what had just happened. 'Way to stick to the man Fat Lady! You rock!' He yelled.

"All of this occurred while the boy named Irius was wearing something very strange.

"'Irius, what are you wearing?' asked the boy named Emus.

"'Can I borrow that sometime?' asked Eterpay.

"And finally the boy named Ames asked, 'Irius, why the hell are you dressed as a hot dog?!'

"To which Irius replied, 'Don't you get it? I'm HOT. And I'm a DOG!'

"And that is the story of the hot dog costume," James finished.

"James?" Lily asked.

"Mhmm?"

"How is Sirius a dog?"

"Because he is not very sensitive to the needs of girls and therefore he is an animal. And a dog," James answered.

"So he's not an animagus?"

James turned ghostly pale.

"James?"

"Uh, well, uh. The thing is we're all uh, animagus. Uh, Sirius is a dog. I'm a white stag and Peter is a rat. And, uh, Remus is a werewolf," James said in one breath, without looking at Lily.

They were both quiet for a few minutes, James thinking he shouldn't have said anything at all, and from now on his mouth would be zipped and locked. And he'd throw away the key.

Or better yet, he'd take the key, melt it, turn it into a ring, and give the ring to his mother. He was so preoccupied about never speaking again, that he didn't hear Lily when she spoke.

"James?"

"Uh, yes?"

"I said I knew all that. I found it out from Severus. I just wanted to hear the truth from you. From the source," she said quietly.

James took her into his arms and gave her the biggest bear hug in the history of the world.

Perhaps he wouldn't zip and lock his mouth, but he would take the key and turn it into a ring.

And he knew just the girl to give it to.

**A/N:** Alright. This is probably the last thing I'm going to post in awhile. I want to make sure the next chapter of Drunken Escapades is really good before I post it. So here's a little story and I don't know if I want it to be a one shot, or should I make it into a story about stories? Did that make sense?

Please tell me what you think! Thanks!

**---A.NERD.NAMED.ABBEY---**


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